Immortality Magazine - An Online Magazine Devoted to Exploring Physical Immortality

Sex Frequency

~ Chapter 10 ~

It is tempting to try to connect one's spiritual path to the absence of sex. This is leftover thinking from paths in which there was nothing better to do than to give up things that brought pleasure-as if suffering would be rewarded. This illusory thinking stemmed from a belief that God was sadistic as opposed to the culmination of all that is love, all that is true.

I once communicated over the Internet with a woman who was several years into abstinence and so many years to go before she reached some rite of passage that would bring her greater joy. Of course, the power of belief can delude someone for awhile, but the absence of sex leaves one only as they are...happy or sad. If I told myself that avoiding eating blueberries for seven years would bring a great sense of peace and I achieved that goal I would probably feel good for a bit because I achieved this insane goal and would be proud of myself. However, there I would be...with myself as a happy or sad person...unaffected by what I once avoided.

There are two approaches to sex that cause great suffering: purposely avoiding it and trying to force it.

To avoid sex carries with it the feeling of being in control. It's similar to an eating disorder in which someone feels that their life is out of control, but they can at least control what they put in their mouth. Genitals replace the mouth in the avoidance of sex. There are many ways to justify the avoidance of sex, but the only thing that matters is that you are living congruently. If your mind is full of false ideas about what brings enlightenment (which I use as an abbreviation for the end of self-created suffering) then you will not become enlightened.

In forcing sex, we may create the feeling of being in control for brief moments of conquest, but beyond these moments are a complete sense of powerlessness. If you feel that you have to have sex once every six months then you will begin to panic at five months, and begin to force situations to avoid the pain that you've convinced yourself would occur in another month. You may falsely believe that mental health is associated with partner-induced orgasm once every “x” period of time.

The only thing that matters is that your mind is free of ego chatter and you are doing what you feel guided to do. Inner guidance seems like a bizarre concept reserved for saints and psychotics until you experience it. If I'm guided to have sex in this moment then so be it. If I'm guided to not have sex in this moment then so be it. To tell myself that I will not be having sex within the next month or that I must have sex within the next month is to pollute my clarity with ideas from the past. These ideas from the past that I implant in my brain cloud my ability to listen to what I am guided to do in this moment.

We have the ability to be spontaneous and free. Maybe we will laugh in this moment and perhaps we will fly. If we are listening to the wise voice within then we will always know what we need to be doing and saying. I can tell myself that I'd rather be doing anything other than writing a book, but I can't escape the omnipresent voice that says it's time to tap tap tap these keys and share these thoughts. And so it continues...